Assume the brace position

The cabin crew are smiling tight-lipped smiles but everyone knows what’s happened. You can see it on their faces when they slip out of the cockpit and quickly pull the door shut behind them. The pilot has died. And there’s no co-pilot, because the recently departed was an arrogant dickhead who insisted on working alone.

Future shock

The violence of midday was over. The riot police had finished their work. Now, as five o’ clock rolled around, the students were sitting sprawled across the street outside parliament, waiting for the politicians to come out. The police were still there, standing in a line inside the gates, staring dully at the students. Nearby,

Demons?! Protect the President!

Demons. They’re every secret service agent’s worst nightmare. One minute you’re standing at the president’s side, listening to the football on your earpiece, checking out the maidens in the front row. And the next – boom. The gibbering, leather-winged horde. Beelzebub’s army, getting all up in Number One’s grill. Of course we train for moments

A watchlist

On the weekend the Sunday Independent ran a story “in the spirit of transparency and proper record-keeping” that featured a long list of names. Each name belonged to a Member of Parliament. They had two things in common: they were members of the ANC, and they had voted Yes to adopt the report that absolved

Going to hell since 1652

Let me apologise. I’m about to use a four-letter word. It’s a word that people have been using far too much lately and it will probably make you sick to hear it again, but I’m afraid I have to, so let’s get it out of the way. Parents, cover your children’s ears because here it

Welcome to Cadreville

The state of the nation? Why, it’s just dandy. An orgy of delights, dappled with kiffness and drizzled with nca. Yes, life in Cadreville is pretty damn fab. You’ve never heard of Cadreville? Not surprising, really: they tend not to signpost the border in case the poor people beyond the fence in South Africa come