Stephen Fry is a monster


I don’t know if you have heard of someone called Stephen Fry but don’t worry if you have not because if you have not it probably means that you are a good person.

I have only ever seen him in a TV show called QI, which is where the sons of the ruling elite show off the “general knowledge” they got at Oxford. Obviously if you know anything about science you will know that QI has been completely debunked as a true test of intelligence, so calling your show QI is pretty damn stupid if you ask me.

So yesterday Stephen Fry closed his twitter account and wrote a blog about the reasons why he had closed his twitter account, stating why, and for what reason, etc. It was all incredibly offensive. If you want to read the blog, click on this link here => (put your cursor on the words with the different colour and press “click”) here => now => to the right => CLICK ON THESE WORDS HERE.

I will not inflect the whole blog post on you because it is elitist drivel written by an old white hegemonist, but I do want to address myself to Mr Stephen Fry and take umbridge with and to a few of the statements that he stated on his blog.

Hi Mr Fry.

In your blog you used a metaphor (classic far-right diversion) comparing the old twitter to a “secret bathing-pool” where you used to swim with your Oxford co-conspirators. Secret? Why is it secret? Who are you trying to keep out? That is clearly exclusionary. In fact, I would go so far as to say that’s a hate crime.

Then you write: “It was glorious ‘to turn as swimmers into cleanness leaping’.” That sentence made no sense, and at first I thought maybe you had had some sort of mental episode (because you are incredibly old, I say that not in the ageist sense but in the sense that physiologically you might have had a stroke or something). But then I saw that you had put those finger-marks in the text, like when you make finger-marks in the sky when you are saying something that is a joke or ironic and you bend your fingers twice, like you are beckoning someone in the sky but obviously you aren’t because there’s no-one in the sky because GOD IS DEAD. Anyway I saw those marks and I realized something weird was going on so I googled your sentence and I found that YOU MADE PLAGIARISM. “to turn as swimmers into cleanness leaping” was written by someone called Rupert Brookes, and you didn’t give a reference, so you are a PLAGIARIST, Mr Fry, and I cannot believe you ever hosted something called QI when you can’t even make up your own lines.

Then I read Rupert Brookes’s blog entry, which is called Peace, and it was complete rubbish, it didn’t make any sense at all, and I showed it to a friend who said Oh of course, it’s a fucking POEM. A POEM, Mr Fry, you elitist prick. You know perfectly well that nobody can read a poem or what it means, and by plagiarizing a poem you were DELIBERATELY EXCLUDING THE 99%. You are a white supremacist.

Then you describe how you “water-bombed” people. This is written in a positive way, and unconsciously conditions the reader into being in favour of unilateral military action. It is people like you that made it possible for George W Bush and his war criminals to invade Iraq and Afghanistan.

But, you say, the pool has now gotten “frothy with scum”. This is so typical of the patriarchy: completely undermining the contribution that scum makes to the ecosystem.

You then become even more aggressive in your othering rant, claiming that we, the people of twitter, have peed in your pool. You make it clear that this is a bad thing without ever considering our point of view. What if we HAD to pee in the pool? What if the public toilets in the forest glade were not working, or were being renovated, or someone had locked the door and taken the key home? And that’s not even considering cultural reasons which you TRAMPLE. Like: what if it is our religion to pee in the pool? By saying we are bad, you are being an intolerant BIGOT.

But you don’t stop there. Oh no. You call us “sanctimoniously self-righteous”. How dare you?! How DARE you? I am not even going to waste any time looking up what those words mean because I already know that they are horrible.

It goes on and on. You write: “It doesn’t matter whether they think they’re defending women, men, transgender people, Muslims, humanists … the ghastliness is absolutely the same.” So the people who step up to defend the oppressed are GHASTLY, Stephen? Being a good person is GHASTLY? How can you live with yourself?

Then you claim that someone has pooed in the water, but you are so mean about it: “I would contend that just one turd in a reservoir is enough to persuade one not to drink from it.” OMFG, Stephen Fry. DO YOU KNOW HOW FEW PEOPLE HAVE CLEAN WATER, STEPHEN? ONE TURD IS A LUXURY FOR LITERALLY BILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

You end off by insulting “the slab-faced dictators of tone and humour”. Firstly, that’s disgustingly ableist: dictators can’t choose the face they are born with, and if they get a slab face, that is not their fault, OK? Take your privilege and stick it up your bum. And secondly – and this is the most important thing anyone has said up to this point – stop trying to police how we police you. Now. Or else.

We The People of Twitter.



  1. Hi Mr Eaton,

    It sounds like you’re angrier than Fry.

    Please note I’m not defending his post, but his accomplishments and character which you’re trying very hard to discredit. He happens to be a very good actor, and has been in a number of roles ranging from Black Adder to Harry Potter.

    And it also seems you miss the point with his show QI. It stands for Quite Interesting where the point is to come up with something ‘Quite Interesting’ about a given topic, and as the show states the points contestants gather don’t matter.

    You also repeatedly refer to his age in an insulting way, “You might have had a stroke or something” is an example, and not particularly funny. But he has, in fact, struggled with depression and has attempted suicide before, so in a way your guess was not too far off.

    So in this post you write about how badly he offended you, you don’t too badly yourself at being offensive. If you can’t beat ’em join ’em?

    Sincerely yours,
    Michael (aka probably not a good person)


      1. I like that reply. It made me smile. I tried to click like, but the system then tried to log me in as a lead singer from an 80’s band, so I decided to like it manually by typing this instead. It’s a long story…

        Liked by 2 people

  2. He’s a poof, apparently, which is totally OK, I know one and he don’t overstay his welcome, unlike my other friend who won’t ever go home after the braai. But I was shocked because he has no style. He looks, in fact like a bag lady.


  3. I really can’t identify the tone of this article. Which has brought me to the conclusion, no the question, have I actually ever really understood any of your writings?


  4. Ever heard of sarcasm? Every heard of an English sense of humour? You’ve so successfully trolled your ass that it is just beyond laughable.
    Go read some Shakespeare, some Milton, some Irving Welsh, some Iain M Banks, and then grow up.
    Without wiping his ass Steven Fry is better than you’ll ever be, more eloquent, more funny, more gentle and more smart. He simply won’t notice you as your bland rhetoric is wasted on all but the simplest troll who cant see beyond their measure of stupidity.
    Good luck in the world – you’ll need it

    Liked by 1 person

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